Half-Life: Full Life Consequences

I had being doing my comic strip Concerned for over a year before someone pointed out to me that it was, essentially, fan fiction. This was a disturbing thought, as fanfic is always pathetic shitty crap.

Still, some good can come from such dreck, as in this video made with Garry’s Mod. I don’t have the full story, but it appears as if someone made a short film using some illiterate teenager’s shitty Half-Life fanfic as a script.

It’s here and it’s hilarious.

New CTF Map for TF2

Well, sort of. The CP map Well has been rereleased, with a few modifications, as a Capture the Flag map.

I gave it a play the other night, and, like I figured, it’s a big Christmas present for anyone who plays as a spy. A long map with a huge intel room that has four entrances? Spy heaven. When I joined the BLU team, they were down 2-0 and getting shredded by the RED’s forward sentries. I swam most of the way to RED’s base, snatched the intel, and made it all the way back to the capture point without even taking a single shot. This drew RED’s engies back onto defense, but they didn’t babysit their sentries, so I sapped them easily, allowing a teammate to make a second capture. I made the third a little later, again, cruising the entire way back to our base for the third score without even running into someone on the other team. And this was a 12-on-12 match.

There’s just way too much room for a spy to roam around on such a long map, and unless the engineer sticks close by his buildings, the spy is gonna have an easy time of it. While it’s nice to have another CTF map in circulation, I don’t see this being a real big hit, except with the spies.  Blending in with the enemy can be tricky, but on a map of this size, avoiding them altogether isn’t that hard.

Some minor changes include a staircase to the second floor just inside the doors of the base, and slight position change for the water exits, and the aft spawn points have been removed. Also, the trains don’t appear to be running.

Best of ‘07

What better way to kick off the new blog with a typical, predictable month-late list of the best FPS games of 2007? No better way, that’s how!

1) Team Fortress 2

What makes TF2 so great? Beyond the fantastic character and level design, the humor, the great weapons, and the fast-paced cartoonish carnage?

For me, I think it’s that I enjoy playing almost all of the nine classes. Sure, I tend to pick Demoman the most often, because I’m best at it, and I pick Engineer a lot, too, because I like building things. But if there are already a couple Demomen and Engies on the team I join, I’m happy to play as a Soldier. If the team needs a Medic, I’m game. I love playing as a Spy. I can even be a Sniper or Pyro, which I enjoy despite not being very good at either of them. About the only two classes I haven’t entirely embraced yet are the Heavy and Scout, though I’ve played them both and enjoyed them well enough.

Generally, in class-based games, I’ll find a class I like and stick with it. Even in the original TF, I generally stuck with being a Demo or Heavy. TF2, though, I’m completely comfortable playing as seven of the nine classes. They’re all fun and challenging and accessible and surprisingly complex at the same time.

Take the soldier. I resisted playing as the soldier for a long time, thinking it would be boring. Soldiers are slow and shoot rockets in a straight line. Who wants to do that with the lure of the Demoman’s sticky bombs and the Engie’s turrets beckoning?

But I find the soldier just as much fun, because it’s not really about shooting a rocket at your enemy at all. It’s about estimating where your enemy will be at a certain moment in time and making sure a rocket is occupying that same space at the same time. It’s about planning and anticipation and guesswork and timing. And, okay, sometimes you just do shoot straight at someone and hit them in the face, and that’s pretty cool, too.

The Spy seemed too complicated at first. Cloaking, disguising, sapping, attacking, then recloaking and redisguising… but honestly, it doesn’t take long to learn, and once you give up on the idea of getting out alive, it becomes a lot more fun.

The classes are amazingly well-balanced, too, and it seems just about every class has its foil. The best spy is still going to get baked by the average pyro. The deadliest sniper is still stymied by a couple of hastily-fired rockets. Take a crew of dug-in engineers, add in one determined Demoman, and you’ve got a room full of busted electronics. And a single medic, while vulnerable to pretty much every other class, will always turn the tide of the match.

The only downside, so far, is that I really don’t enjoy any player-made maps. Not a one. But, I can’t hold that against TF2. Easily the best game of ‘07.

2) Bioshock

Alas, poor Bioshock. First, there were the ridiculously orgasmic initial reviews, followed by the equally ridiculous player backlash when it turned out that Bioshock wasn’t quite what was promised. Now it can’t even be discussed without flamewars starting. Still, great game. Hours of fun, highly replayable, lots of creative violence and great rewards for exploring every nook and cranny. The camera, which I all but ignored my first play through, was a bit of genius when I really took full advantage of it. The art direction and design of the game was fantastic, and the voice-acting was absolutely top notch — best I’ve ever heard in a game. The story was deep and rich and enjoyable and felt like it was probably a lot of fun for them to write.

The downside? Save for a few back-against-the-wall mobfights, the game only really had one mode — slow. Don’t get me wrong, I like creeping around spooky corridors and having things jump out at me. I just don’t like doing nothing but that for 15+ hours. It gets old. Bioshock could have used a few more chases, maybe some more run-and-gun sequences, to break up the corridor-creeping.

The last quarter or of the game was a tad tiresome, and the end fight was pretty stupid, but most endfights are anyway. Otherwise, though, absolutely excellent game. I’m not sure if I’ll play through it again (I went through three times), but I will definitely buy any add-ons or sequels.

3) Portal

Look, Portal is perfect. It’s a perfect game. In part, it’s the perfect game because it’s short, but it’s also too short to truly be the perfect game. Y’know? I played it a few times, and loved it, and I would not change it or make it longer, but, bottom line, it’s given me maybe 10 hours of gaming, as opposed to TF2, for example, which has given me over a hundred.

So, Portal is perfect. It’s short, hilarious, amazingly clever, and just a perfect, brilliant, inspired gaming experience. It made me want to print out the code onto reams and reams of paper, wad the paper up, shape it into the crude form of a woman, and make love to it. It’s a game that I think everyone should play, and I think anyone would enjoy.

That said, it’s short. Which is good! But, also, it’s short, and you’ll be done with it pretty quickly.

4) S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

Man, I really hate Stalker (I’m not doing the stupid acronym from now on). I hate it. I’m angry at it. It’s got so many fucking problems. From the stupid busted mission system to the stupid buggy AI to the shitty stupid buggy looping dialogue cues. Anyone who has played will cringe at the following quote:

“I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there. I said come in, don’t stand there.”

And they still haven’t fixed that fucking bug! I got the latest update and it’s still broken. How hard could that be? For fuck’s sake.

I’m tired of the buggy quest system informing me that I’ve failed missions that I didn’t even know I had, and informing me I haven’t finished missions that I definitely have, and for not telling me what zone the time-sensitive missions are in before I take them, because I wouldn’t take a time-sensitive mission in a far-off zone I wasn’t already planning to visit, because getting around on foot takes forever, and it’s your only option. I’m tired of the annoying zone-joins, where you stealthily exit one area, and then, when the new map loads, you appear in the new zone out in the open, surrounded by enemies. I hate the shitty UI and the shitty map and the shitty inventory system and the fact that there’s only three people to buy stuff from and they don’t even have good stuff to buy. I hate that there’s no way to really improve your character even though it’s supposed to be an RPG, but you never get stronger or faster or sneakier. I really, really, really hate Stalker.

And yet, I keep playing it. I’ll quit in frustration but a couple weeks or months later I pick it back up again and play for a week or two. Because there’s something really great buried under that big pile of shitty code, something incredibly engaging and captivating. The game makes me nervous in ways a game never has. I dread being outside, in the open, on a hilltop, completely alone, more than I dread being deep underground in a lab that I know for a fact is crawling with terrifying mutants and enemy soldiers. How does a game do that?

Stalker has this pervasive feeling of dread and tension woven right into it. It’s moody and atmospheric and there are very, very few places you truly feel safe. Traveling across a zone is nerve-racking, even if you’ve been across it a dozen times (and you will, with all the goddamn backtracking).

The growl of a wild, irradiated dog stops you. Just stops you cold. It’s better if it’s close, because you might be able to kill it or at least see it, but if it’s far off you have to spend the next half-hour looking over your shoulder. They don’t always attack. Sometimes they just lope around, coming close but not at you, growling, barking, then veering away. Of course, you don’t want to spend the ammo unless you absolutely need to, so running into a pack of dogs can really slow you down and jangle your nerves.

Then there’s that beep — that damn dreadful beep — of your PDA when it detects another Stalker in your range. Is he friendly? Is he foe? A soldier? An enemy faction? As you approach a clutch of buildings, and you watch the number grow… 3 enemies… 4… 6… 11??? Shit. You’re screwed.

This isn’t typical FPS combat, where you can take down a dozen enemies in one well-executed rush. A single fight can take an hour to plan. Scope out their positions. Sneak close, stay covered. Try to pick them off at range? Maybe a grenade or two? The actual fight is often over in seconds as you’re dropped by the one guy with the shotgun you missed. A single pistol round at close range is sometimes enough to take you down.

Speaking of guns, you’ll covet them when you find a couple good ones. A decent scope and a reliable rifle can change the entire way you play. You’ll stop everything you’re doing to find the ammo you need for your favorite weapon. You might even cap a friendly if you notice he’s got the same gun, just to plunder his ammo. You’ll curse the game as that weapon slowly degrades, gets damaged, starts jamming more frequently. And you’ll face the tough choice of whether to discard it in favor of another newer, but unknown, weapon.

Then, there’s just the strange inexplicable pleasure of running into some neutral Stalkers, huddled around a campfire, muttering to each other in Russian, maybe one of them plucking away at a battered guitar.

It’s the only shooter where you’ll have your binoculars in your hand more than your gun. Surprise is your best weapon and your worst enemy, and combat is unforgiving and best avoided when possible. Stalker is brilliant yet deeply, deeply flawed — I don’t even think I’d recommend it, but I still love it.

5) Half-Life 2: Episode 2

Well. It’s good. Very good. Maybe great? I don’t know. It actually pains me to say this a little, but I think I’m getting a tad tired of the HL2 saga. There’s no question that I’m gonna buy and enjoy Episode 3, but honestly, I’m a little tired of physics puzzles solved by lifting and moving things with the gravity gun. I’m kinda tired of escorting Alyx around and seeing how much more stuff she can do than me (like kick zombies, climb walls, and use sniper rifles). I’m definitely tired of killing Antlions. I’m tired of exposition that doesn’t really get me any closer to knowing who G-Man is.

That said, it’s still head and shoulders above just about everything else out there. I still love Striders and very much enjoyed the Hunters. I still love killing the Combine. The game, of course, is more beautiful and atmospheric than ever. The final setpiece was exhausting and thrilling. And these episodes aren’t sequels, they’re add-ons, which means they’re just extensions of the original, fantastic game. But I think I’m ready for the saga to end, or at least progress to the next stage of gameplay.

Honorable Mention:

Crysis is neat, though the system requirements were too high for my machine and it ran like a vacation slideshow, and frankly, it didn’t really capture my interest too much. Still, some amazing destructible environments and fun combat, and something I’ll probably come back to when I get a better computer. It’s non-linear, which is nice, though really, there’s not much to do besides follow the main storyline other than get into a few random firefights, and the main storyline isn’t terribly gripping.

Call of Duty 4 is excellent, though I haven’t played a lot of it yet. It looks fantastic and is very gritty and realistic, but most of the single-player missions have annoyed me so far, because it reduces you to following around your squad leader who tells you exactly where to go and who to shoot at and what to shoot at them with. Unlike Crysis, which gives you objectives but lets you choose how to accomplish them, COD4 micromanages you a bit too much.